Rachel has asked me to write about controlling people In my opinion, there are two different topics or issues: control and controlling behaviour. So, let's go...


What is control?

Control can refer to several concepts depending on the context:

  • General definition: Control is the power to influence or direct the behaviour of people or the course of events. It involves the ability to manage, regulate or command something.
  • Psychology: In psychology, control is often related to an individual's perception of their ability to influence their environment or the outcomes of their life. This can include concepts such as locus of control (*), which refers to the extent to which individuals believe they can control events that affect them.
  • Management and business: In a business context, control refers to the processes and systems that organisations use to ensure that their objectives are met. This includes performance measurement, feedback mechanisms and corrective measures.
  • Engineering and systems: In engineering, control refers to the methods used to manage the behaviour of dynamic systems. Control systems are designed to regulate the performance of a system in order to achieve the desired performance.
  • Social and political contexts: Control can also refer to the power exercised by authorities or institutions over individuals or groups, including the mechanisms of social control that regulate behaviour within societies.
  • Personal control: At the personal level, control can refer to self-regulation and the ability to manage one's emotions, thoughts, and behaviours in various situations.

Each of these definitions highlights different aspects of control, but they all share the common theme of influence and regulation.

What does controlling behaviour mean?

Controlling behaviour refers to actions or patterns of behaviour in which an individual seeks to dominate or manipulate another person or situation. This can manifest itself in various contexts, including personal relationships, workplaces, and social interactions. Let's look at some key aspects of controlling behaviour:

- Manipulation: People who exhibit controlling behaviour may use manipulative tactics to influence the thoughts, feelings, or actions of others. This may include making the other person feel guilty, psychologically manipulating them, or using emotional appeals to achieve their goals.

- Domination: Controlling behaviour often involves a desire to exercise power or authority over others. This can manifest itself in making decisions for another person, dictating how they should act, or undermining their autonomy.

- Control and surveillance: A controlling person may excessively monitor or surveil another person's activities, communications, or whereabouts. This can create a sense of mistrust and invasion of privacy.

- Restriction of freedom: Controlling behaviour can restrict a person's freedom to make decisions or express themselves. This may include dictating who they can associate with, what they can wear, or how they should spend their time.

- Emotional abuse: In some cases, controlling behaviour can escalate into emotional or psychological abuse, in which the controlling person uses fear, intimidation, or humiliation to maintain power over the other person.

- Impact on relationships: Controlling behaviour can lead to unhealthy dynamics in relationships, causing feelings of resentment, frustration, and mistrust. It can also make the controlled person feel powerless or dependent.

Recognising controlling behaviour is important for maintaining healthy relationships and personal boundaries. It is essential that people openly communicate their feelings and seek support if they find themselves in a controlling situation.

Vocabulary Related to Control


- Autonomy: The ability to make one's own choices and decisions. Example: "She values her autonomy and prefers to make her own decisions without interference."

- Influence: The capacity to have an effect on the character, development, or behavior of someone or something. Example: "His positive attitude had a significant influence on the team's morale." 

- Regulation: The act of controlling or managing something according to rules or principles. Example: "The regulation of workplace safety is essential to protect employees." 

- Authority: The power or right to give orders, make decisions, and enforce obedience. Example: "The manager has the authority to approve budget changes." 

- Self-regulation: The ability to control one's emotions, thoughts, and behaviors in the face of temptations and impulses. Example: "Practicing mindfulness can improve self-regulation and help manage stress."

Vocabulary Related to Controlling Behavior


- Manipulation: The act of influencing someone in a clever or unscrupulous way. Example: "His manipulation of the situation made her feel guilty for wanting to leave."

- Domination: The exercise of control or influence over someone or something. Example: "Her domination in the relationship left him feeling powerless and frustrated."

- Surveillance: Close observation, especially of a suspected spy or criminal. Example: "The constant surveillance of her phone messages made her feel invaded."

- Coercion: The practice of persuading someone to do something by using force or threats. Example: "He felt that his boss's coercion to work overtime was unfair."

- Emotional Abuse: A form of abuse characterized by a person’s behavior that manipulates, intimidates, or belittles another person. Example: "Her partner's emotional abuse left her feeling isolated and insecure."

- Dependency: A state of relying on or being controlled by someone or something else. Example: "His controlling behavior created a dependency that made it hard for her to leave the relationship."

- Gaslighting: A form of psychological manipulation that seeks to make a person doubt their perceptions, memories, or reality. Example: "He was gaslighting her by denying things he had said, making her question her own memory."


(*) Locus of control is a psychological concept that refers to the extent to which individuals believe they have control over the events that affect their lives. It was developed by psychologist Julian B. Rotter in the 1950s and is often used to understand how people perceive their ability to influence outcomes.

There are two main types of locus of control:

- Internal Locus of Control: Individuals with an internal locus of control believe that they have significant control over their life events and outcomes. They attribute success or failure to their own actions, decisions, and abilities. For example, a person with an internal locus of control might believe that studying hard will lead to good grades.

- External Locus of Control: Individuals with an external locus of control believe that their lives are largely influenced by external factors, such as luck, fate, or the actions of others. They may attribute their successes or failures to circumstances beyond their control. For instance, someone with an external locus of control might think that their performance in a job interview was determined by the interviewer's mood rather than their own preparation.

The concept of locus of control is important because it can influence motivation, behavior, and mental health. People with an internal locus of control tend to be more proactive, resilient, and better at coping with challenges, while those with an external locus of control may feel more helpless or passive in the face of difficulties.

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